FBI investigates ‘suspicious’ crayon artist
BISON, N.Y. — Kurt Stevez, an art teacher at Bison Elementary and founder of Artists Criticizing Humanity, will be before a grand jury next week to defend his crayon-using art.
It all started when police responding to a call for help at the Stevez residence noticed some crayons with their labels off and tipped the FBI about the suspicious materials. The FBI then came in and cordoned off the house, finding not only unlabeled crayons and torn labels strewn about the basement but also numerous pictures that had been colored outside the lines. For safety's sake, they confiscated all of the crayons, the pictures, the electronics and the jewelry in the house.
"We prefer to err on the side of caution," said FBI Agent Peter Moskeeter.
Although Kurt Stevez has not formally been charged with anything, he is not reassured by the fact that a grand jury has been appointed, not to mention that his associates continue to be interrogated by the FBI.
"I told them I haven't done anything wrong," explained Stevez. "Artists use unlabeled crayons all time, and ACH is currently exploring the relationship between labels and reality as part of our new Shinola Identification project for the Mass. Contemporary Art Place Using Creative Criticism in New Oeuvres."
The project at MASS CAPUCCiNO was slated to allow museum-goers to bring their own crayons and have Stevez show them whether or not what was labeled as "tan" was actually tan. ACH supporters believe that Stevez is being unfairly targeted by a government with too many ties to firms like Crayola.
"It's not politically popular to point out that the labels sometimes lie," said artist Ted Calzoni, "but we feel that the public ought to know. Unfortunately, given the political climate, it's a very dangerous time to disagree with powerful lobbies like Big Crayon. Even if the feds saw that the crayons were harmless, they can use it as an excuse to go after Stevez for his artistic views and remove his ability to tell other people whether crayons are really being mislabeled."
In light of the confiscation of all Stevez's equipment, MASS CAPUCCiNO Director Tom Joson has elected to feature a short puppet show about the whole event rather than cancel the exhibit. The FBI maintains that the crayons provide probable cause and that they are not overreacting.
"Sure, the actual materials we found weren't dangerous per se," said FBI agent Peter Moskeeter, "but they could have been used to write death threats. And given what we know of Kurt Stevez, that seems more likely than just drawing happy pictures of a house and a sun with all the colors in the lines. I just find it suspicious when anyone tries to look behind the label of a crayon.
"I don't know much about art," Moskeeter concluded, "but I know what I don't like."
Seth Brown is a freelance humor writer in North Adams who eschews labels. He is a frequent contributor to The Washington Post's Style Invitational, and like everyone else, is working on a book.
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WMMGA to Host Gardening Half Day in Lenox
LENOX, Mass. — The WMMGA will host a gardening half day on April 5 from 9:00 a.m. to 12:15 p.m. at Lenox Memorial Middle and High School.
The event will feature eight workshops covering the following topics:
Ticks
Hydrangeas
Summer bulbs
Pollinator gardens
Good garden tools
Plant propagation
Heirloom tomatoes
Container gardening
The event will also include vendors, free refreshments, a sale table with puzzles, houseplants, and gently used garden books, and a garden-themed raffle.
Registration can be completed at wmmga.org. Class size is limited.
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