Last week's ill tidings ranged from the next phase of political monkey-donkey mudslinging to the pain in Spain being mainly on the train, but amidst all of this, there was at least one piece of good news: Wireless Internet service has now been installed in Adams.
Gary Lyons, co-owner of Betterway.net, proudly proclaimed, "Adams is hot!"
Personally, I might not go that far, although I think that Adams looks fetching in red and has a nice personality. I do find the possibility of widespread wireless Web-surfing moderately exciting. Since we are living in the 21st century, I enjoy seeing news items that bode well for the possibility of a worldwide Matrix, only without the harvesting of humans for energy.
But all of this got me thinking, much as I enjoy the concept of very high-speed Internet access, wires are an important part of our world at current — and of current. Wires are, in my mind, part of the experience of plugging your computer into the Internet — not necessarily a fun part, but an important part. A nexus of information exists out in the world, and we physically plug our cord in to connect with it. For comparison's sake, imagine what it would be like if telephones suddenly had no need for wires.
What? Oh. Okay, so they did that already. First we went cordless, and then we went wireless. No more twirling of phone cords while chatting or waiting by the phone at home. Now people can conveniently talk on their phones while eating dinner at restaurants, watching movies in a theater or even while crashing …er, driving. And the Internet is next. I shudder to conceive of a world where drivers can not only talk on the phone while driving but browse the Web as well. Imagine all the accidents-- not to mention the typos!
A wireless world is just something that I'm not ready for. As I look at my computer today, I see the tangle of wires connecting it to the power strip, monitor, speakers, keyboard, mouse, blender and hairdryer. They form an indestructible spaghetti of raw power, letting me know that all sorts of information transfer are happening. And the lone Ethernet cord slides down the back to the modem. If we remove that Ethernet wire, what comes next? Will we no longer need wires to connect our monitor and speakers, as the information from the computer beams itself to the appropriate audio and visual apparatus? What if the information goes to the wrong place, and my monitor shows sound waves while my speakers begin describing a picture to me?
And what of the larger ramifications? Televised sporting events are already becoming less interesting as more and more viewers turn to reality TV to sate their hunger to watch people suffer. What will happen when a football game can no longer come down to the wire? Will the referees bring out the yard-measuring device with no chain and arbitrarily make a wireless decision? And how will you hear about the scores, or news in general, if you can't receive information over the AP News Wire? Will all standardized news be replaced by the Drudges of haphazard Internet reporting?
If it already takes people a few cups of coffee in the morning to really get wired, how many more will it take before they can get wireless? And will that much coffee be healthy, or will they be shaking like a livewire the rest of the day? Few of us have the wiry frame that we had in our youth, but the concept of having a wireless frame is almost terrifying.
One imagines wireless hands like "Thing" from The Addams Family (soon perhaps to be Adams families!), running amok in the town square, contained only by barbed-wireless fences. No, I am not quite ready for the wireless world.
The one exception, however, would have to be the ...er, female upper torso frontal extremity support apparatus. In the case of this particular device, there is something to be said for the elimination of wires. Even if they aren't barbed, it just seems like a place where wires would be entirely unwelcome. After all, it is said that beauty is in the eye of the holder. Or is that the beholder? Either way, when more progress is made with that particular wireless technology, then Gary Lyons will be more justified in his claim that "Adams is hot!"
Seth Brown is a cord-ial freelance humor writer based in North Adams who enjoys yelling "wire!" in crowded theaters. He is a frequent contributor to the Washington Post's Style Invitational, and, like everyone else, is working on a book.
If you would like to contribute information on this article, contact us at info@iberkshires.com.
Your Comments
iBerkshires.com welcomes critical, respectful dialogue. Name-calling, personal attacks, libel, slander or foul language is not allowed. All comments are reviewed before posting and will be deleted or edited as necessary.
No Comments
Dalton Water Chief Says Lead in Lines Unlikely
By Sabrina DammsiBerkshires Staff
DALTON, Mass. — Some residents received an "alarming" notice from the Water Department about the possibility of lead pipes or solder in some homes, but officials assured them not to worry.
The notice is a result of a new rule from the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency at the federal level to ensure that there is no lead in anybody's drinking water, Town Manager Thomas Hutcheson said during a Select Board meeting last week.
"Going forward, there's additional regulations regarding that, and the water district has sent out letters … that says you may have lead pipes. They will be conducting surveys to find out what the extent of the issue is," he said.
Later that week, during a Board of Health meeting, Water Department Superintendent Bob Benlien emphasized that the notice was not an indication of a lead issue in the water system.
The notice was required by the state to help the town gather more data to determine the materials used in the service lines, he said.
"It's not saying that we have lead in the water. It's not saying that we have lead in the pipe. It just says that we don't have all of our water lines documented," Benlien said.
Part of the water treatment process is doing corrosion control and pH adjustments to the water to minimize the risk of lead and copper leaching into the water.
Monument Mountain's Everett Pacheco took control of the race in the final mile and went on to a convincing Division 3 State Championship on Saturday at Fort Devens. click for more
Mila Marcisz ripped a shot from the top of the 18 that slipped just under the swing of teammate Adele Low and past the Mustangs keeper in the fourth minute of the second overtime to give Mount Greylock a 1-0 win. click for more
Mount Greylock dominated for much of the game, compiling a 17-4 advantage in shots on goal, not to mention numerous Mountie chances that went just wide or high of frame. click for more
Nora Schoeny, Gianna Love and Elyssa Scrimo Sunday led the Lenox girls cross country team to a narrow victory in the Division 2 race at the Western Massachusetts Championships at Stanley Park. click for more
Wahconah High senior Tim Kaley Sunday earned his second Berkshire Classic Championship by shooting a 77 at the Country Club of Pittsfield. click for more
